A N X I E T Y

Dear You, 

Why did you think it was okay to break me down to my lowest point? I can’t look at anyone the same anymore without wondering if they are going to harm me as you did. I can never forgive or forget what you did but I can cope around it. You’ve given me something that breaks me down daily. 

A N X I E T Y. Why do I allow this thing to control my whole life? Is there a shut off switch?  My anxiety comes in waves and when it comes it’s like a tsunami crashes over my life. On the daily, I’m trying to find helpful tips to calm myself down but It’s hard when you get anxious about random things like “Do they hate me because I cut them off that one time last year?” Honestly, I probably would feel much better if I could just pour out everything that has led up to this point of my life but I think that would make me just as bad as you. You exposed me, You broke me, You gave me a new and more terrifying view on life and I deal with PTSD daily because of it. The nightmares haven’t stopped and my heart still remains broken. But I now know what I’m worth and nobody will ever break me again. I’m starting to heal myself. I go to counseling, I’m sleeping more, I moved states, and I’ve found someone who accepts my flaws and see’s me for me. Every day I continue to heal and hopefully one day I won’t be anxious and I won’t have random panic attacks and I will learn to love myself again. But for now, I’m okay with me. 

Here are some things that have helped with my anxiety:

  • I go to an EMDR counselor weekly who is helping me find the source of my anger and anxiety as well as helping me find self-love again. What is EMDR you may ask: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy is an interactive psychotherapy technique used to relieve psychological stress. It is an effective treatment for trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
  • When I feel a panic attack coming on I go through my senses- Hear, See, Feel, & Taste. For example:
    • What’re 4 things I can hear?
    • What’re 3 things I can see?
    • What’re 2 things I can feel?
    • What do I taste?
  • Write down your feelings 
  • Call a friend. I always call my Mom when I’m feeling low she always knows how to make me feel better.

In the comments below ask me questions, I’d love to chat!

  1. Greg togstad says:

    Good blog jade. I’m sorry you go through this. I can honestly say that counseling definitely does help tremendously. I have been to counseling a few times in my almost 39 years on this Earth. Sorounding myself with positive people like you and our small group of friends helps me get out of my own head every day. If you ever need a good laugh to help you with your anxiety I’m here for you.

  2. Destiny says:

    Proud of you kiddo. Keep learning those skills .

  3. Alyssa says:

    Your strength and growth is inspiring! Keep on pushing through, I love you friend!

  4. Mom says:

    I love you and am super proud of you!

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